Barbara Ortagus »

Something I really enjoyed when I was in high school was acting, but you know how it is.  After graduation, marriage, kids, career kinda make that sort of thing take a back seat to more pressing reality.  Well my home life has stabilized a bit lately so a few weeks ago I auditioned for a community play and was cast in a small but significant part.  The performance is still a few weeks away and I a have been busy rehearsing.

I am exciting to be back into it, but acting is coming back to me a lot less naturally than it used to.  I wonder if it is the absence of my youthful exuberance that is causing the problem.  When the whole world was a dream of possibilities it was much easier to slip into a fanciful personality and portray it convincingly.  I fear the harsh realities of life have left me jaded.

As I stopped to reflect on this, I feel that this outlook colors most facets of my existence.  I am less the dreamer and risk taker that defined me in my teens.  Now I carefully weight the pros and cons of every decision I make and I am ALOT more deliberate in my actions and choices.  I am old.  Blech.

It is difficult for me to just let go.  Just let go and live.

I am still trying to decide if this really a problem though.  While some would argue unquestionably that it is a huge, terrible loss, I am not quite convinced.  We go through several stages of metamorphosis throughout our lifetimes.  We need to in order to endure the unique challenges that each period of our lives hurls at us.

We need to be dreamers in our young adult years so that we can propel ourselves in a direction of reaching to be more than we are at that time.   When we are getting married and building families we need to be more diligent in our efforts to protect what it is that we are responsible for nurturing.  When we have grown children of our own, we need to shift in to a role of sage advisor so that we may guide our children on a path that is clear of obstacles that we have identified and conquered.

While I am looking forward to my acting gig, I am happy that I do not live a life that I feel I need to escape from.